It usually starts with television. We put our toddlers in front of a large screen and adore how they sing songs about colors and letters from shows like Sesame Street and Nickelodeon. Next, we hand them a tablet for educational games or to let them watch a movie while traveling. It isn’t long before we allow them to use our phones to “look something up,” check out the pictures and videos we took of them, or Facetime with a grandparent.
Smartphones are a part of your life, and when you’re a parent, they are a part of your child’s life, too. Instead of telling them that all phones are bad, we can teach them how to use the benefits of this powerful tool while understanding how to wield its power.
We have accepted the inevitability that our children, who have grown up using this tech from near birth, will eventually want their own phones. The biggest concern on most parents’ minds is, “When should I get my kid a phone?”
The most common answer agreed upon by experts and parents is the middle school years.
Middle school (approximately ages 10-14) is a time of rapid change. These adolescents are dealing with some major life changes, such as:
- Puberty
- Emotional growth
- Physical growth and changes
- Need for acceptance by peers
Pressure to have a phone for fear of social isolation in middle years is one of the biggest stressors for kids today. Common Sense Media reports that 42% of kids by age 10 and 71% by 12 already have phones. And just like your parents once said to you, “I don’t care if everyone else is doing it,” the same can apply to smartphones. After you’ve shaken off the chills from sounding like your parents, it’s time to assess if your child is ready for this next leap into young adulthood.
Ways to know if your child is ready for a phone:
- They demonstrate responsibility by keeping up with school work, doing chores at home, and showing good behavior at school.
- They have friends in real life (even just one) and demonstrate socially acceptable interaction.
- They are involved in extracurricular activities.
- They can regulate their emotions (including impulsive behavior).
How can I use parental controls to keep them safe?
The middle school years are all about giving your gangly fawn child-guided freedom. This era is great for testing their wobbly legs on tech like smartphones and social media.
Parental controls are tools built into phones and apps, such as content filtering, alerts, and screen time management. You can remove them as your child matures and demonstrates good phone behavior. However, if you don’t use them from the beginning, you may have a harder time trying to implement them at a later date.
Ways to use parental controls:
- In apps
- Phone settings (i.e., family pairing)
- Apps like MMGuardian
Set some ground rules.
My number one rule for anything in my house is: If I pay for it, it’s mine. Your child is entitled to privacy. However, a smartphone is a privilege, not a right. Remind them that you have the right to get into their phone if you are concerned about their usage. Insist on a few key rules, such as:
- You must have their passcode to the phone as well as specific app login info
- You must be a follower or friend on any social media account
- All social media and gaming accounts are private only (non-public accounts).
- All purchases must be approved by you (you can set a parental control for this).
- Poor behavior or academic performance is grounds for losing the phone.
Additional guidelines I implement with my kids to keep them off-screen time:
- No phones at the dinner table (or other family time).
- Phones or other devices are only used after homework is completed.
- Screen time ends an hour before bedtime.
- No apps outside of their age restriction (as per the app store rating).
A word about phones in school
Smartphones can be a major distraction in class. A good rule for your middle school child is not to bring a phone to school. Many kids argue that they need it if they are staying after school for sports or clubs. However, the temptation to take out the phone in class is often too great for students to ignore.
If you’re not quite ready to get them a phone:
If you feel your middle schooler is not ready for the responsibility of a phone, there are two options. These compromises could be a baby step in this direction.
- Allow your child a phone but not a cell phone line of service.
A Wi-Fi-enabled phone limits its mobility and accessibility. They will mostly only be able to use it at home, where you are better able to supervise them. Your child can access apps and social media, so parental controls are still advised. However, the temptation to take the phone everywhere they go will be removed. This half-step toward full phone ownership could allow you to observe their phone behavior before increasing your wireless phone bill by adding a line.
MMGuardian created a Samsung smartphone with built-in protections. Parents can choose if the phone has zero internet access or monitoring options. It also protects your child through:
- GPS that can’t be turned off
- Web filtering
- Call block from unknown numbers or specific contacts
- Alerts on texts and pictures
- Phone location and remote locking for lost or stolen phones
Click here to buy one for your child!
A smartphone is an opportunity to enter the adult world with training wheels.
In the best way, it can be used to learn lessons with proper safety nets in place. We can’t keep our children from growing up, but we can support them while educating them on the dangers and benefits of the world.